Dear Friends,
At about two hours into our weekend drive to the mountains, Gail, Leo and I made our regular stop at a rest area near Franklin, North Carolina. We weren’t alone, as other travelers had parked their cars, minivans and SUVs to take advantage of this well-maintained facility and picnic grounds.
People and pets were stretching their legs, using their respective restrooms, and eating their lunches at tables shaded by maple trees. It was a happening place.
As I left the visitor center to return to our car, I noticed a young family crossing the parking lot heading in my direction. A slightly chubby boy with a blonde crew cut, who looked like he might have been nine or ten years old, was trailing behind his parents. He wore a black t-shirt with large yellow letters on the front that caught my eye. It read, “You are in the presence of greatness.”
The boy saw me reading his shirt and gave me a shy grin, which I returned. Our brief contact, however, was interrupted by his dad, who looked over his shoulder and barked, “Son, pick up your feet!” The boy’s grin vanished, and he looked away from me. I felt a pang of compassion for his embarrassment. I guess greatness isn’t supposed to shuffle, I thought to myself.
The encounter made me reflect on my own experiences of criticism. Criticism from another has sometimes left me feeling uncomfortable, hurt, angry, or even demoralized (as I imagine the young boy must have felt). And, reflecting on those times when I’ve dished out criticism, I have often felt regretful about it, knowing that criticizing another is one way I can avoid facing the truth about myself. It seems that those instances where I believed my “constructive criticism” of another was warranted are generally far outweighed by those times when it would have been better to have examined what in me wanted perfection in the other.
I can imagine that there are plenty of times when it is easiest and wisest to simply say to someone, “Do this!” or “Don’t do that!” And, yet, that look of shame on that young boy’s face made me wonder if there aren’t also kinder ways to help others grow. I was reminded again of the guidance of Educator and Quaker Parker Palmer, who recommends “No fixing, no advising, no saving, and no setting the record straight” when it comes to engaging with another.
After all, it seems that to be in relationship with each other as we learn, make mistakes and grow is to be in the presence of greatness.
Warmly,
Terry
Rev. Terry Davis
