By Glenn Koller
Delivered at Northwest Unitarian Universalist Congregation
on November 30, 2014
As with so many aspects of humanity, generosity is multi-faceted in both concept and in practice. This morning I’ll reflect on three aspects of generosity.
First, generous acts knowingly enacted; second, the unintended consequences of generosity; and third, generosity that is unknowingly bestowed.
First – generosity knowingly enacted.
I grew up in a very poor and polluted environment north of Buffalo, New York. The education of both my parents ended after the 8th grade and both of them suffered from self-esteem problems.
On my way to earning a Ph.D., which my dad resented, there was the miracle of my getting into a brand new community college that was 60 miles from our house. I had no means of traveling – for two years – to and from the college except to drive my family’s only car – an old rusted-out Ford Maverick.
My dad and I did not have the best of relationships. There never was a moment when he told me I could use the car. All indications came through my mother. However, he knew what he was doing and what he was “in for.” He’d have to suffer the indignity of hitching rides to and from work or walk to work in the winters of Buffalo, New York.
Accordingly, there was never a moment when I acknowledged his generosity – that’s just the way it was. Expressed or not, acknowledged or not, it was an incredibly generous thing for him to do and we both knew it.
Now, a glimpse of unintended consequences of generosity.
The recent ice-bucket challenge serves as a great example of unintended consequences of generosity. As you likely know, the ice-bucket challenge is a means of raising money for ALS – or “Lou Gehrig’s disease” – by pouring ice water over your head and challenging others to do so and to also make a donation.
William MacAskill – Research Fellow in moral philosophy at Cambridge University’s Emmanuel College – has calculated from real data that approximately 50% of the money being given to ALS is ultimately coming out of the pockets of other charities.
This, of course, results from the fact that most people have only so many dollars to give to any charity – a personal zero-sum game. So, McAskill asks: “Are we better off in a world where the ALS Association has an extra 100 million dollars and other charities have roughly 50 million dollars less?”
A second example of the unintended consequences of generosity comes from a personal experience. As you know, my parents had little to give and I was grateful to be able to drive our only car to and from the two-year college.
When raising our children, my wife Karen and I could afford to be somewhat more generous. While not “rolling in it” by any means, our three kids evolved in a much more generous environment.
The contrast between their upbringing and mine hit me full force when we offered to our middle child the family car to drive to and from high school. She refused to drive it – at all. She chose to hitch rides or use other means to get around town.
Now, it’s true that the car was a station wagon with simulated wood on the side, but it was a perfectly functional conveyance that I, at her age, would have jumped at the chance to drive – regardless of how “uncool” it might have been.
I took all of this to indicate that a more generous upbringing might not produce teenaged offspring with morals and values that were in line with mine, or even the ones I harbored as a teenager.
And finally, a look at generosity unknowingly bestowed.
If you look up the definition of “generosity,” you will see that the first synonym for the term is “liberality.” Liberality, in turn, is defined as: “The quality of being open to new ideas and free from prejudice.”
That sounds a bit like the words I might use to describe our Unitarian Universalist aspirations – being open to new ideas and free from prejudice.
I know that such generosity is a cornerstone of this congregation. As many of you know, just before moving to Dunwoody in July of 2012, my wife Karen had one knee replaced and then the other replaced after we arrived.
While in Georgia, she’s broken a couple of bones – including a vertebrae an most recently her wrist, and I did a three-month bout with kidney stones.
This would all seem mildly tragic except for the fact that most of it occurred while I was a member of Northwest. Although we never actually called upon anyone for help, generosity poured forth from this congregation. Calls, notes, hugs, and inquiries expressing genuine concern had an immeasurable impact on Karen’s and my ability to keep our chins up, so to speak.
These expressions of care and generosity were intentional, that is, knowingly offered, but I realized some time ago that unintentional generosity was equally healing. I have tried to envision Karen’s life and my life without having all of you – the congregation – in them. It’s really tough to imagine.
Just the fact that the congregation exists – that you are there – makes a huge difference in my life and, probably, whether or not you realize it, in your lives too. The generosity unknowingly expressed by each of you – by being there – is a blessing that we all share and of which we all partake.