Dear Friends,
I met my former 12-step sponsor for lunch yesterday. We had not had a chance to catch up since I returned from St. Louis back in August. As we both live in the Virginia-Highlands area, we decided to go to a neighborhood Asian restaurant we both like.
The parking lot was only half-full and I found a spot right near the front door. When I stepped inside, I was surprised to see that there was a light crowd. I was accustomed to waiting in line for a table. It also seemed that the restaurant had changed to a self-serve format while I was gone, as I found my friend at the front counter placing her order with the cashier. There was no wait staff – only a few persons to bring out food to the diners and clear dishes afterwards. I began to wonder if the economy had finally taken its toll on this popular local establishment.
But the cashier was upbeat and the food was as delicious as I remembered. And, soon, my friend and I were deep in conversation, catching up on our lives, our hopes and our fears. She had helped me enormously in my recovery, including listening patiently and kindly while I tearfully read aloud my “searching and fearless moral inventory” – that list of resentments and flawed behaviors that persons in recovery are encouraged to make as a step towards forgiving ourselves and others.
I’ve come to realize that forgiveness is something of a self-serve proposition. By honestly admitting my own weaknesses and mistakes, I’m helping myself heal rather than waiting on someone else’s apology or behavior to change. And, when I’m healing, it is easier to extend a forgiving heart to others.
There was no waiting in line or on others to begin. I only needed to be willing. And, for that, I am grateful.
Yours,
Terry